So, by now, if you’ve been reading along, I’m unemployed. This new series, Educated Mess, is my journey through the Isle of Dogs to my home. What makes me happy? My life has been a steaming garbage pile of a mess the past few years, but I was so busy at work I just kept blazing through.
Often times I write thoughts, story ideas, personal notes, and things I want to research, in my notes app. It’s my digital post-it note, along with Google Chrome tabs, which I think is a fairly normal thing among people in my age group (?). Lately, I’ve been going through my notes, cleaning them out, looking things up, or deleting something nonsensical.
This one note broke my heart. It just said this:
That’s it. Just a passing thought as I struggled to keep my head above water, I didn’t have time to look it up, or the energy to see if I could go there or learn about it, just the location. It’s not the most telling note. Nobody would know the context and likely how I was feeling at the time, but I know.
It’s been two months now since I quit my job and I still have no idea what the hell I’m doing.
My life is mostly sleeping, feeling guilty about sleeping, taking baths, cooking, cleaning, and doing projects around the house. then feeling guilty about enjoying just being at home.
Turns out, burnout sucks; but a planner without a plan (or job, omg) is not good either!
On social media, I watch all these people seemingly who have it all figured out. Yes, I know better, social media lies, but they’re telling good lies I want to believe!
It can take 3 months to 3 years to recover from burnout, I remind myself. Rest and relaxation are precisely what I need right now. I fully embraced the hustle culture and it’s not going to go away overnight.
Although I didn’t phrase it quite like that, I did, I quit my job. Well, I burned out of it, to be fair.
So, to just “quit” a job without any prospects, or desire to find another one, is not really like me. Let alone leaving a job that I worked hard to get, keep, and excel in. My total exhaustion won out, though, and the day I gave my notice was the day I was unemployed – and incredibly relieved.